1 July 2008
Esha’s Story
Posted by
Esha
under:
HERstory .
I’m going to preface my story by saying that for the most part of my life, I’ve been a very private person. What I’ve written recently about my personal life is definitely out of my comfort zone, but if my words can help another woman in the long run, then more power to them. I’m sure there will be people who come across this who personally know me, who would have never thought this would even happen and it will be their first time hearing/reading about it, but writing it all out is therapy for me.
He was everything I thought I wanted in a man. He paid great attention to the details in my life and couldn’t have been more attentive to my needs. I knew the consequences of going into a relationship with a man that was in the military, there would be times when we would be separated for months, but I was ready and able to deal with it. I was previously in a relationship with a man who was stationed overseas for 8 months so I knew what I was getting myself into. There wasn’t much difference to our relationship besides the fact that we couldn’t physically see each other. With him, while he was overseas we talked several times a day and was always on email. We counted down the months and days when he would arrive back to the states. To me, the time went by pretty fast, but then again, I wasn’t the one over there fighting in a war.
Before he came back from Iraq, I told him that my ‘loose ends’ had been tied and there wasn’t anyone else lurking in the shadows that I was either physically or emotionally involved with. He came back from Iraq this past January and we vacationed in Puerto Rico in Feb. While we were there he thought it would be a good idea to elope, but I said no because I wanted to share that day with my sisters and mother. The whole trip was beautiful, we were literally planning our lives together. He chose to be stationed near Maryland in Ft. Lee, VA so that it would be easier on us to see each other. Little did I know he was telling another woman the same thing.
When we returned from Puerto Rico, I happened to see a few text msgs from another woman on his cell phone. He was planning on visiting her later on that month (February) in NYC while he was visiting his fraternity brother. After I confronted him about these msgs, he told me that it was an ex girlfriend of his who is still close to his sister and it was strictly platonic. He told me then that he would never do anything to hurt our relationship and that if I didn’t want him to go to NYC, then he wouldn’t go. A few days later, he asked me if I still had a problem with him going and I told him as long as he promises me he won’t see her than I’m fine with him going to NYC.
Fast forward a few months later. While I think what were having what I think is a great relationship. I knew that he was the one I wanted to spend my life with and we were making plans for that. He finally moved to his new base in Ft. Lee, VA in March. I was there for a week helping him get settled in. I think it was the 3rdday I was there, I walked passed his computer and decided to check my email. When I opened up the Internet Explorer his list of favorite websites on the left hand side was open. I glanced and I saw a profile for ADULTFRIENDFINDER.COM! At first I had no idea what it was, but when I clicked it, I realized it was a site where you can meet random people to have sex with. I clicked the username and it populated, but the password didn’t. I immediately became pissed. I called a friend and had her set up a dummy profile and to send me the log in information. At one point during my stay there, him and I were talking back/forth on this website! He was so interested in meeting up with this ‘new woman’ and hooking up with her. The next days were the longest days of my life because I finally saw him for the liar and cheater that he is.
I didn’t want to bust him right then and there, so I kept quiet about it. I did try to get him to tell me the truth and question his loyalty to me. All along he was telling me that I was the only woman he was involved with and that I meant the world to him. A few days later he informed me that his ‘sister’ was coming to visit him in Ft. Lee. I didn’t think twice about it b/c he’s really close with his older sister, but something in the back of my mind was telling me that something was up. I wanted to get proof that he was a cheater. So I had a friend call and act as if she was the woman from Adultfriendfinder that he had been exchanging emails with. They spoke several times and I was on three-way each time. He scheduled a time to meet up with her before he picked his sister up from the Richmond airport. Needless to say, he showed up and the fake profile woman, of course, wasn’t there
During the few days that his ‘sister’ was there, I hardly ever heard from him unless it was snippets of conversation. That’s when I finally realized he had some other woman there. I was more than incensed. I repeatedly called him but he wouldn’t answer. Finally, I sent him an email and text msg, letting him know that I knew about all of his other online dating profiles and him meeting up and soliciting women off of Adultfriendfinder. He didn’t believe me at first, but then I told him that I deleted all of his profiles and changed the password on his yahoo email. He still lied and told me that his sister was actually visiting him. After we broke up I didn’t hear from him for a few months
A few days before Memorial Day weekend, I received an email from a woman in NYC. She came across my email address from my blog, after she googled his name and an entry I posted months before was in the search results. I purposefully added his full name in hopes of that someone would come across it. It took a couple of months, but she did. The woman who emailed was his OTHER girlfriend in NYC. This is the same woman he claimed was his ex girlfriend and friend of his sister.
She was the missing piece to my puzzle
She confirmed that he did spend time with her in NYC in February and also another time after that. During the 2nd time he came to visit her, she told me that his rims were stolen at the airport in NC. Funny, he told me he was in Georgia when that incident happened
She also confirmed that she was the “SISTER” who was visiting him the day after I left Ft. Lee, VA!
The same bullshit he was telling me, was exactly what he was telling her. He even went as far as to send her photos from OUR Puerto Rico trip and telling her he was there with his fraternity. What’s even crazier, is that in one of the photos he sent her, he had the same yellow polo shirt on in a photo I took of him, but this time he was with his frat. So I’m thinking her purposefully wore the yellow polo, just because he knew he had another photo of himself in the same shirt, so he could send her more than one.
THIS MAN LIES ABOUT EVERYTHING. EVEN HIS TRUTH IS LIES!
Of course there was a reason why she emailed me, the night before she was supposed to leave for VA for Memorial Day Weekend, she called him to say ‘goodnight’. Somehow the phone picked up and in the background she heard him fucking another woman!! She stayed on the phone for a few minutes listening. The next morning, when she called him of course he denied everything and she broke up with him.
Coincidentally, he called me the very next day apologizing to me about his actions months before and that he had an ‘epiphany’ (his epiphany was him getting caught cheating by her) and that I was the best thing he’s had in his life. BULLSHIT! My gut instinct was telling me that something was up, so I let him say what he had to say and then the next day I received an email from the woman in NYC which led to our 4 hour phone conversation!!
In the end, we did our best to try to bust him in person. He said he wanted to visit me on Memorial Day, so I told him sure. I also told her to come down, so we could bust him in person. She showed up, but of course he didn’t. He came up with some lame excuse about his brand new Range Rover’s suspension light wouldn’t go off..but we both figured he had some other woman in VA that he couldn’t get rid of that weekend.
He eventually thought that he had both of us in the palm of his hands. He was telling us both how much in love he was with us. Of course he had no idea that we knew each other. During a recent visit of his to NYC, I was supposed to go up and meet him at her house so we could bust him, but my plans changed thankfully. If I would have saw him that weekend, who knows what would have happened. At that point my animosity for him was running deep. Of course when I asked him what he did that weekend in NYC, he said he was hanging out with the bruhs.
About 3 weekends ago, I got fed up with the lies, and couldn’t put on the charade any longer and I told him EVERYTHING I knew about him and the woman in NYC and all of the lies. Of course he had nothing to say to defend himself. This man is the worst kind there is out there. He’s a liar and a deceiver. He will make you feel like you’re #1 and shower you with gifts. This man will never change. So far we know of two other women he’s currently involved with. When the other woman approached me via email, I didn’t take on the typical ‘woman’ attitude and accuse her of being the cause of the drama that was rampant in the relationship. I knew if she went through the trouble to contact me, that she could offer me helpful information. In the long run, I’m glad she had the instinct to google him. If she hadn’t all of these questions would still be looming in my head till this day.
22 Comments so far...
nunya
Says:
1 July 2008 at 8:27 am.
wow… thats too much!!
thankfully i havent had a lot of bad experiences with men… and really… the only man i have ever been serious about is the one i married… and i put him to the test before i let him in my heart!
hell… i put him though a test that i wouldnt have passed my damn self!
its men like that (your EX) that make it hard for men like mine (the good one) to get a good women! after a situation like that… you are bound to be synical and untrusting of all those who sport a penis!
… just be glad you lost HIM!
what a dog!! too bad you didnt get to bust his azz in person… cuz that shit woulda bin hella fun hey?
[Reply]
Yashieka Reply:
July 1st, 2008 at 8:57 am
@ Nunya - While we can try and test a man for everything possible, we all have a way of concealing our true selves from other people. You can have list of tests to give a man to perform, BUT, if he’s up for the challenge, you better believe he’ll be that shooting star you’ve had your eye on. It’s a learning experience and unfortunately some of us have to go through it.
[Reply]
STACY
Says:
1 July 2008 at 8:53 am.
WOW ((hugs)) Girl Girl Girl I’m just speechless.
Men like him deserve a nice cozy seat in HELL!! The lies, deceit and games it’s so irritating. I was so EXCITED for you and your wedding plans and all that fun stuff. But DICKHEAD was too busy “tryna” run game!!
Look at it on the bright side you found out about him before you made that life-long commitment. He’s an ASS and now ER’BODY and their grandma knows…lol
Thank heavens for GOOGLE….hahahaha
[Reply]
Yashieka
Says:
1 July 2008 at 8:56 am.
WOW! Yesha, when I first got wind of the story, I thought to myself, NO WAY! Someone can’t be that deceptive. Apparently there are still some evil men out there that prey on good women like you. It’s sad, it happens more than less. THANK GOD, you didn’t marry him. That was a blessing in disguise.
[Reply]
Kiwi
Says:
1 July 2008 at 12:14 pm.
I never get it. I never get what kind of person goes through all of this. I mean be honest. I’m a player…I like ladies…I don’t want to settle down. You never know WHO will be game for that. A lot of women out there are on the same page as him, but he chose to STEAL your choice. Singing you proverbial love songs, while he’s singing the same lines to another woman.
He will pay. Karma is a bitch…and what’s even worse for him…he’s gotta stand before God on that one. Call him a sociopath…say he’s a dog…but, I say he’s just sad. A sad excuse for a man who’s lies caught up with him and haven’t humbled him ONE bit. Good riddens…Yesha. You deserve MUCH better!
[Reply]
Yesha Reply:
July 1st, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Exactly, I always told him I believe in giving people options. There are women out there who are fine with having a man do ‘whatever’ as long as they come back to them..Sorry, that ain’t me.
Please, let him tell it, he was a church-going person. I swear the worst sinners are always the first to put in at the collection plate.
[Reply]
nunya
Says:
1 July 2008 at 1:17 pm.
IF ONLY YOU KNEW MY STORY… *wink*
[Reply]
Yashieka Reply:
July 1st, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Well, send us your story to mystory@menaintshit.com! We would love to post it!
[Reply]
LAMONT
Says:
1 July 2008 at 9:41 pm.
Ok, Real talk, dog was completely wrong as 2 left shoes, and that kind of behavior is as socio-pathic as it gets. It’s a good thing you got your “MONK” on, and the story still cracks me up as I read it, but more as I think of you narrating it to me.
[Reply]
gigi
Says:
2 July 2008 at 9:06 am.
I had no idea you were going through all of that. Damn sis.
[Reply]
MsBrowneyes
Says:
2 July 2008 at 11:52 am.
Oh yesha, I thought things had panned out for you two sooo differently. The story, his actions, the continuous lie after lie…. oh my 
I had no idea things had ended up taking a sour detour. Sorry.
[Reply]
Suzie
Says:
3 July 2008 at 2:17 am.
OMG! HE actually read it? I hope he didn’t call you up to complain or whatever.
Im so sorry he did what he did to you. No one deserves to be hurt that way. But I agree with Stacy and Yashieka, its great that you found out before you got married. Something about cutting your losses …
[Reply]
Yesha Reply:
July 1st, 2008 at 8:50 am
I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, until the ‘eff up. I refuse to let this experience ruin me for the next person who may come along. Nunya, if I would have busted him in person, believe me, I probably would have knocked him upside his head, so lucky for him, I didn’t..lol
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