26 August 2008
Another Again
Posted by
Esha
under:
HERstory .
Last week, Yashieka wrote about choosing the ’safe’ option. Being that I was pretty busy at work last week, I couldn’t actively participate in the discussion. I think everyone throughout their dating history has that ’safe’ option, myself included. My safe option has been in my life off and on for the past 3 1/2 years. He is truly someone who knows me like a book, from front to back.
Over the years, we’ve had our issues. We started out as friends and then eventually became boyfriend & girlfriend. That worked out for a couple of months, but even now when I think about it, I don’t even know why that relationship ended. I always suspected that he found someone that he felt was ‘better’ or that he thought the grass would be greener elsewhere. In any event, after that break-up we didn’t talk for a while and it definitely felt as if something was missing from my life.
What eventually became of us was years of back and forth pseudo-relationships. We did everything a couple would do together, but were never truly in a real relationship again. There were even times when he happened to be in relationship with someone else, and failed to tell divulge that bit of information to me, so unbeknownst to me, I was the other woman at times.
About 9 months ago, we had another fall out and stopped speaking to each other. A few weeks ago, he sent a Happy Birthday email and once again we were ‘on again’. I’m not sure exactly what to expect of this next round, but needless to say, I’m going into it without any heavy expectations.
I loved real, real hard once..But the love wasn’t returned…Found out the man I’d die for…He wasn’t even concerned (C) Lauryn Hill, When It Hurts So Bad
That Lauryn Hill verse is what sticks in my head whenever I think about how much effort and love I put in my last relationship, only to get burned by his greed and lies. So that is what happened when I went out on a limb for love.
Now, I’m staying on the ’safe’ route. With a man that I truly consider a friend and one who I love as well. He is my ’safe’ haven. He knows what makes me tick and what can make me explode. Although our friendship reaches out past the realms of an average friendship at times, we both know what to and what not to expect from each other.
So, as we’re on this ‘another again’, I’m just going to sit back and enjoy the ride.
5 Comments so far...
Yashieka
Says:
26 August 2008 at 7:56 am.
THANK YOU! WHY o WHY aren’t more people honest with themselves about wanting to be safe? You definitely know what to expect….is being Safe a bad thing?
As my girlfriend Nicole always tell me…RIDE D WAVE!
[Reply]
Keyshia Reply:
August 26th, 2008 at 9:54 am
Thats what i was trying to tell y’all back there. Its not necessarily a bad thing to want to be safe. I mean, who wants to just put themselves out there to get hurt at someone else’s convenience?? Certainly not me!
Although I do have to say, Yesha, your kind of safe is a little risky I think. I mean, what if, over time, you become more attached to this guy? The more you see him and hang around him, the more you start depending on him emotionally. And if you keep on breaking up and making up, there isnt really time for you to repair and heal before the next breakup or makeup. Dont you think?
[Reply]
Yesha Reply:
August 26th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
At one point I thought that as well, but right now, if we stopped talking tomorrow, at this stage in my life, I don’t see myself having a hard time to disassociate from him. Been there, done that; got the tshirt!
[Reply]
Yashieka Reply:
August 26th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
I think when you’re accustomed to breaking up and making up…you know what’s going to happen…it’s still safe…there are no surprises.
[Reply]