18 August 2008

Behind These Brown Eyes…

Posted by Shieka under: Weekend Recaps .

About two weekend ago, I was contacted by the man I spoke of in my HERStory, Mr. Brown. He sent a TEXT message asking if I could forgive him. he also apologized and tried to explain why he treated me like sh*t (AGAIN). I often thought about how I would react if he did apologize. I assumed I would feel some kind of relief. “YES, he finally admitted I was more than the kick-it chick and I didn’t conjure everything that happened between us in my head.”

I felt nothing…

After all, the apology I received came from the same man who six weeks prior to the apology tried to convince me I was nothing more than the “kick-it-chick.” Some may think he was angry about something and felt the need to hurt me with those words. Um, I beg to differ. He called me the “kick it chick” a month (June) after we went our separate ways. He had plenty time to think about what happened.

Against the wishes of most of my friends and family I responded to his text message. My response? “I’ve already forgiven you, I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive your ex and find the peace you need to move on with your life.” The end right? NOT. The text message was followed up by a phone call a week later. By this point most of the memories of what happened between us started to creep back into my head. It was like I started the whole healing process over. I asked him to to leave me a lone and allow me the happiness I deserve…Then he tried to explain his actions again.

“I understand you’re hurt, sometimes people don’t intend on hurting others, you wake up one day and you make decisions without thinking about the outcome of such actions. I never meant you any harm, and I really did care for you. Things became too intense for me to handle and rather than being up front and honest, I kept you dangling because I wasn’t sure myself. I apologize and pray that you will find someone that appreciates you and your qualities.”

And then it happened…the break down. All the emotions slowly crept up and exploded. I found myself crying and pushing people away from me. It took a week for me to get to that point and 24 hours to regroup. I vowed that I wouldn’t shed another tear for him…He won’t get to see the tears I cry…not behind these brown eyes…

2 Comments so far...

Keyshia Says:

20 August 2008 at 6:04 am.

Sorry you had to go through the pain again. But atleast it provided some sort of closure.

Maybe he really did realize his mistake and decided to apologize for it. Too bad it all came so late.

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Yashieka Reply:
August 20th, 2008 at 10:39 pm

HA! For some reason I doubt his apology was sincere! Only God can help him now!

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